Beer and Loafing at Lake Shasta

You don't really want to know what my experience at Boardstock was like, do you? I didn't think so.
Judging from the size of the crowd, you were probably there anyway. You don't need me to tell you all the sordid stories and blow-by-blow action, right? Or even the personal insights, like how the biggest annual event in wakeboarding has started to look suspiciously like an episode of Solid Gold, huh? You don't need to know anymore about the two girls stripping completely naked right after the contest run and groping each other for the police video cameras, do you? Fine, that takes me off the hook.
I won't have to relate the unsettling feeling of waking up hung over and sweat-stuck to the cushions of my "kiddie pod" atop the WBM houseboat like a roach glued to the inside of a roach motel. Nor mention how I wanted to kill the jerk that was blasting "YMCA" at 7 a.m. every morning loud enough for people in Oregon to hear it. I'll get to bypass the story about the drunk girl who offered me her bikini top for two minutes if I'd climb down the ladder and get her a beer. (I brought her back a six-pack and told her to make it twelve minutes.) And I can spare you the details of the three girls skinny dipping off the back of my houseboat who had a midnight run-in with a present from somebody's commode. Well, actually, that's a pretty funny story; give me a call.
I'll probably get to keep my job just because I won't have to repeat any of my Hunter S. Thompson-like escapades through the world of booze, bonfires and Bruce Robson's blender. None of the powers that be will come banging down my office wall (no door yet) because I said that what goes on at Boardstock makes a Cops highlight show look like a Brady Bunch rerun. They'll lay off my back because I didn't question the suspect ergonomics of putting thousands of wasted people next to a slope full of loose shale with metal rods along the bottom of it. (Miraculously, everyone came through with just some whiskey bumps.) Good - I don't need any trouble with the boys upstairs.
Of course, given that I won't be recapping the Boardstock affairs, you won't get to hear comical things like how funny it was to watch the O'Brien houseboat whip Charley Patterson into a royal blue rage by throwing cans at him and his friend while they were trying to get some "sleep" on the roof next door. You won't get to hear about how cool it was just hanging out with Ryan Siebring talking story at 3 in the morning. And forget about me going into specifics on the inexorable joys of listening to Scott Bouchard yell insults at the parade of kooks who were getting in the way of the contest with their personal watercraft. I'll keep a cover on the painful details of Darin's huge S-bend to Nutcracker during the competition and the astonishing sight of him actually finishing a stellar pass with his marbles in his throat. (That boy can ride, period.) And you can skip the long diatribes on the considerable talents of anybody who was able to land a move that day, not to mention Parks taking home the winner's check with a double back roll. I'll spare you all these details and just say that my experience at Boardstock '98 was probably no different than your own. Except for maybe when the roof started to cave in on the female mud-wrestling boat ...
Of course, just because I'm not talking doesn't mean some of you want to keep quiet. Here's a taste of what it was like for some of the people who were there:

Heather, Via Internet
Sponsor row is not the only place to party at Boardstock. There were people partying everywhere, all night long. It wasn't even quiet in the morning! I woke up every morning to music and people yelling. During the day everyone would either go out on the lake or party on p of their houseboats. We were dancing, drinking, sunbathing, you know, all of the great things that you can do on the lake. It was like there were about 10 different dance parties going on at the same time. Then, of course, there were the usual boats full of girls that could not keep their bikini tops on; mine was one of them! I was not one of those girls, though! I guess they just got in the spirit and felt the need to show off what God gave them! No one was complaining, though, and after awhile it was like a competition. All in all I had a great time. I didn't meet or hang out with any pros (at least not that I know of or remember), but I did meet a lot of cool people to party with, and I am definitely going back next year!

Nick and Julz Heaney
(Editor's note: This is such a sanitized version of what these guys did there.)
Boardstock was a crazy weekend, with people and boats everywhere. This year's was the biggest one for sure. If you really wanted to find out where it was going off you had to steal a boat and go cruising around like we did. With that many houseboats spread over such a big area, there were a million different parties to go to.
One night we found ourselves on top of a houseboat with about 100 people on the top deck just dancing the night away in front of about 20 boats. The nice girls did the crowd good by doing a few little shows throughout the night!
The contest was awesome, although it was a little choppy, but most riders were able to handle it, and the wake off the new X-Star was huge. It was also to a new format which was way cool where the riders judged each other.
One bad thing about Boardstock was the hangover, but one good thing was getting the pictures developed!

Josh Long, Via Internet
The competition was supposed to start at 10:30 from what I heard but eventually started sometime around 1:00, I think. Anyway, I'm sure the "official" results will be posted by someone who was keeping better track than I, but I know Parks grabbed first place by doing a double back roll. One of the funny things was that there were four sheriff boats out there trying to keep everyone from driving their boats across the course during competition, and people still persisted in cruising through with their fishing boats, Jet skis and ski boats. Well, there were quite a few people that made it their personal duty to enforce the law - with water balloon launchers. It's quite entertaining to see the crowd cheering the newly formed militia as they launch balloons 200-300 feet away and hit the unsuspecting boats. All in all, I would say Boardstock '98 was a great success and a whole lot of fun. Be there next year ... hope to see you there.

Matt Staker
Our trip to Boardstock started at the Mikker's house in Tahoe, where we were filming for Boardumb. The whole time we were there racing go-carts and pissing off the old guy across the street, Mikker was talking up Boardstock. So we left Cobe's house for the four-hour drive to Shasta. Since we all have A.D.D., the drive sucked. I think we played every possible car game there is, plus a new one Rookie made up. It didn't have a name but it was definitely the adult version. We finally got there around midnight, put Cobe's Tige in the water, and bam - girls started walking up to us. Well, not us, Mikker. (Note to self: One day I hope to be as cool as Cobe.) Other than that, there were several fights which were cool, and I was hanging with Cory Lake (a.k.a. "Mr. C"), who is huge, so I wasn't scared. The coolest brawl was at the Silverthorn, where Byerly whooped some serious arse after Chris McCluggage got cheap-shotted. The guy-to-girl ratio wasn't very good, so if you're female, show up next year. If Madeline is reading this, you should really think about talking to pro Australian wakeboarders named Mark MacNamara. Well, that's about it; Boardstock was just like Chase's girlfriend for the weekend - kind of cool, but kind of retarded.

Boardstock 1999 will be held the weekend of September 18th on Shasta Lake, and promises to be a little less windy for the contestants next year, as well as accessible for the crowd. For info, call 530-241-1224

. For houseboat rentals, call Jones Valley Marina, 800-223-7950; Silverthorn Marina , 800-332-3044; Antlers Resort, 800-238-3924; or Lakeview Marina, 800-825-6850.e got cheap-shotted. The guy-to-girl ratio wasn't very good, so if you're female, show up next year. If Madeline is reading this, you should really think about talking to pro Australian wakeboarders named Mark MacNamara. Well, that's about it; Boardstock was just like Chase's girlfriend for the weekend - kind of cool, but kind of retarded.

Boardstock 1999 will be held the weekend of September 18th on Shasta Lake, and promises to be a little less windy for the contestants next year, as well as accessible for the crowd. For info, call 530-241-1224. For houseboat rentals, call Jones Valley Marina, 800-223-7950; Silverthorn Marina , 800-332-3044; Antlers Resort, 800-238-3924; or Lakeview Marina, 800-825-6850.